The Teenage Exercise Book
(Parody warning!)
YKK nervously eyed the girl from the corner of the book. Class reading time was supposed to provide the students brilliant, creative story writing ideas for their essay writing. However, the teachers who had begged the principal to reinstate the program after reading about the 2009 Budget in their students essays for the nth time were now regretting their call. They now had to contend with renditions of "Sweet Valley Secondary" for the nth time.
YKK put down his book "Guns: Relative Stopping Power and Projectile Ranges" (he did not believe that reading Neil Gaiman or Stephan King to add value to his knowledge) and turned to his good friend, Ar Lot.
"Ar Lot, I can't help it. Ever since school started, I can't help but feel all light-headed seeing Aimee."
His good friend put down his Enid Blyton compendium, carefully closing the pages to make sure the Playboy magazine he had hidden inside did not peek out. "Do you seek advice from the great Master, then?" He asked coyly.
YKK pensively licked his lips then nodded slightly. Ar Lot seemed to have a way about girls; they didn't mind going out with him after school. There were days when YKK would jealously watch as Ar Lot refused to level up their WoW characters after school and instead went out with a whole gaggle of girls. If YKK wanted any chance to strike up conversation with Aimee, Ar Lot was his first step.
"Waikaykay, in order to initiate you on the intricacies of intimacy, you will have to acknowledge me as master."
YKK sighed. If there's one thing he wasn't comfortable with having Ar Lot as a friend, it was his huge ego that needed to be pandered once in a while. He mumbled, "I recognise thee as master, Ar Lot."
Ar Lot smiled smugly, "The full name, dumbo."
YKK said less commitantly, "I recognise thee as master, Bates Ar Lot." He sighed at the end, thinking how his life story would make for MAD magazine type stories with bad puns. It would be written by testosterone-charged teenaged boys for hormonally-overflowing teenaged boys.
"Waikaykay, the first thing you need to understand is that there are four kinds of attraction. When you see someone you like, the kind of attraction you have dictates how you should respond." Ar Lot started his lecture sounding all self-important.
YKK nodded eagerly to egg Ar Lot on. Ar Lot needed to be shown that his grand theories were being accepted as fact.
"The first kind is gravitation. This kind appears when you are attracted to a person's gravitas, or status, or credentials. This explains why so many girls in all-girls schools end up liking head prefects."
Ar Lot paused as YKK nodded in agreement. So those rumours about all-girls schools were true!
"You must be careful with this kind. They probably have seen all kinds of requests from all kinds of people. My advice is to find out if you could progress to other froms of attraction.
"Which brings me to the 2nd type, electro-magnetic. This is what most boys our age experience. It explains why they call the attraction a 'spark'. It happens when you identify something in common with the girl and you are 'induced' into strengthening that commonality. Soon, a magnetic bond may form!"
YKK admired how Ar Lot ended the sentence with flourish. Somehow, though, the found the lecture someone reminiscent of a certain subject he was taking, but he buried that thought.
"The third type is the weaker attractive force. Now we're moving to mutual attraction. However, it is weak because some girls LOVE to play hard to get! Once you're here, you'll have to pull all the stops to get to the next stage!
"Speaking of stage, when you get to the stronger attractive force, they'd be like rabbid girls at a Tom Jones concert! They'd be dying to get up on stage and jive with you!"
YKK's mind was fervently processing the information, but finding it hard as he frequently got distracted by Aimee, who was flirting with his peripheral vision. He had so many questions, he had to find out more! Just as he started formulating his first train of questioning, the school bell went off, marking the end of reading period and the start of lesson proper.
YKK cursed the deus ex machina that always seemed to pepper his life. It seems like he will have to wait till the next issue of MAD magazine to have his questions answered. -Jimmy
YKK nervously eyed the girl from the corner of the book. Class reading time was supposed to provide the students brilliant, creative story writing ideas for their essay writing. However, the teachers who had begged the principal to reinstate the program after reading about the 2009 Budget in their students essays for the nth time were now regretting their call. They now had to contend with renditions of "Sweet Valley Secondary" for the nth time.
YKK put down his book "Guns: Relative Stopping Power and Projectile Ranges" (he did not believe that reading Neil Gaiman or Stephan King to add value to his knowledge) and turned to his good friend, Ar Lot.
"Ar Lot, I can't help it. Ever since school started, I can't help but feel all light-headed seeing Aimee."
His good friend put down his Enid Blyton compendium, carefully closing the pages to make sure the Playboy magazine he had hidden inside did not peek out. "Do you seek advice from the great Master, then?" He asked coyly.
YKK pensively licked his lips then nodded slightly. Ar Lot seemed to have a way about girls; they didn't mind going out with him after school. There were days when YKK would jealously watch as Ar Lot refused to level up their WoW characters after school and instead went out with a whole gaggle of girls. If YKK wanted any chance to strike up conversation with Aimee, Ar Lot was his first step.
"Waikaykay, in order to initiate you on the intricacies of intimacy, you will have to acknowledge me as master."
YKK sighed. If there's one thing he wasn't comfortable with having Ar Lot as a friend, it was his huge ego that needed to be pandered once in a while. He mumbled, "I recognise thee as master, Ar Lot."
Ar Lot smiled smugly, "The full name, dumbo."
YKK said less commitantly, "I recognise thee as master, Bates Ar Lot." He sighed at the end, thinking how his life story would make for MAD magazine type stories with bad puns. It would be written by testosterone-charged teenaged boys for hormonally-overflowing teenaged boys.
"Waikaykay, the first thing you need to understand is that there are four kinds of attraction. When you see someone you like, the kind of attraction you have dictates how you should respond." Ar Lot started his lecture sounding all self-important.
YKK nodded eagerly to egg Ar Lot on. Ar Lot needed to be shown that his grand theories were being accepted as fact.
"The first kind is gravitation. This kind appears when you are attracted to a person's gravitas, or status, or credentials. This explains why so many girls in all-girls schools end up liking head prefects."
Ar Lot paused as YKK nodded in agreement. So those rumours about all-girls schools were true!
"You must be careful with this kind. They probably have seen all kinds of requests from all kinds of people. My advice is to find out if you could progress to other froms of attraction.
"Which brings me to the 2nd type, electro-magnetic. This is what most boys our age experience. It explains why they call the attraction a 'spark'. It happens when you identify something in common with the girl and you are 'induced' into strengthening that commonality. Soon, a magnetic bond may form!"
YKK admired how Ar Lot ended the sentence with flourish. Somehow, though, the found the lecture someone reminiscent of a certain subject he was taking, but he buried that thought.
"The third type is the weaker attractive force. Now we're moving to mutual attraction. However, it is weak because some girls LOVE to play hard to get! Once you're here, you'll have to pull all the stops to get to the next stage!
"Speaking of stage, when you get to the stronger attractive force, they'd be like rabbid girls at a Tom Jones concert! They'd be dying to get up on stage and jive with you!"
YKK's mind was fervently processing the information, but finding it hard as he frequently got distracted by Aimee, who was flirting with his peripheral vision. He had so many questions, he had to find out more! Just as he started formulating his first train of questioning, the school bell went off, marking the end of reading period and the start of lesson proper.
YKK cursed the deus ex machina that always seemed to pepper his life. It seems like he will have to wait till the next issue of MAD magazine to have his questions answered. -Jimmy
posted by Jimmy at 5:28 PM
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