Leadership?

Here's the irony: I study in a management university. (Gee, no prizes for guessing where I'm from now.) The university prides itself in moulding future leaders with its blend of broad-based learning and technical skills. They churn out "well-rounded individuals" from their conveyer belts. Our compulsory courses include "Leadership and Team-building" and "Management of People at Work". You'd think I'd know a thing of two about leadership.

Here's the irony: I don't know shit.

Some people were born knowing how to lead. (For further reading: Neil Gaiman's Sandman, Vol 8. Read the story of Prez, the kid president. Although the story brings to light the ideals of a leader, there is a dark undercurrent to it. I shan't spoil the fun.) But me, I've always been content being the executor. Someone who will do what is given to him. And given my wallflower tendencies, I'd rather keep a low profile instead of leading a charge, a bold change in any organisation. Don't expect me to be the one chastising a team-mate for lax work. I'm non-confrontational; if I can let it pass, I will.

I dunno why I ran for Kroo. Maybe Yam knocked some love potion no.9 into me. Maybe I felt I had it in me to be at the helm of SMUGS. Maybe cos I wanted a learning experience and I was quite sure I'd have friends with me in it.
But I can't lead. I hadn't considered how in gaining experience to add to my hilt, I could very well be jeopardizing my team. I hadn't considered that while I have friends running with me, they count for nothing if I can't be totally, brutally frank with them. I hadn't considered that while I may be at the helm now, someone better could have been in my place, spotting the rocks faster, steering the boat with more finesse, avoiding the huge waves to keep the boat stable.

The previous team manager passed me a book about leadership called "The 360 Degree leader". It was an inspirational read; one can be a leader no matter what position he's in within the organisation. Early on in my term, I decided that I'd lack the charisma to lead like Er Jun when the took D2D. He was the kind of leader you'd listen to, the kind that makes you hang on to his every word to do up his requests to the best of your abilities. I took on a more sublime take on leading my team. I don't order; I request and suggest. I'd like to believe that my team does things not because I'm telling them to do it but doing it as a favour.
It fit my style. But it has shortcomings. You end up spending a lot of time on the ground, and you find that you can't push things at a more strategic level. I've put off driving an aggressive marketing campaign like my predecessor did. I've held back on introducing new initiatives, cos I've enough on hand as it is.
And when things like this happen, you begin to wonder: did they make the right choice voting you into office and giving you this power to be the leader? What makes a good leader in the first place? Do I count as a good leader? I mean, you're looking at the guy who has not transferred out cable-ski to the Wakeboarders.

I think a leader is someone who gets things done and does it with his team. D adds that he must also do it efficiently, and his team must do it to his specifications. Well, I've tried telling my team to do things to my specification during the recent SMUGS camp. It felt like I was being the "bad cop". That i'm anal, uptight and by-the-book. It doesn't help when your fellow leader gives the impression of nonchalence. It also doesn't help when you use your initiative to get things done, but you fail to get recognision from fellow leaders, but you end up irking your charges for making them pull extra duty.

After one term as a "leader" and 2 years in a management school, I still know nuts about being one. One day down the road, I might blog again ranting about how I still have no idea how to lead. I should be better off as a wallflower. -Jimmy