Lessons on a Particular Sunday Evening

Is there a silver lining to dark clouds too?

People who frequent this blog might have noticed the lack of posts in recent weeks. (Yah right, how many people actually know this blog exists?) Well, let's just say that school is more interesting than this blog.

About 4 weeks ago, I was all hyped up over joining the Youth Flying Club. I checked the YFC website and found out that I fulfilled all the criteria listed. I will finally have a proper CCA to occupy me and I finally get to chase my dreams of learning how to fly. This love of flying took root back when I was still in kindergarden. There was something magical about watching planes take off, magically defying gravity. I finally got to chase that childhood dream! I might have a chance to figure out what all the knobs do! I might have a chance to earn my wings! Wow wee! How cool is that?

Well, just to be sure, I gave the office a call to book an appointment for registeration. The person answering went through the whole list of criteria. I got more and more excited as I answered positively for all of them.

Then she asked, "Would you be interested in signing on to the Air Force?"

"I don't mind."

"Have you served your National Service?"

"Yeah."

"What's your current PES status?"

"Umm... I'm temporarily at PES C, but-"

"I'm sorry, we don't accept PES C. Thank you for calling."
There was a certain finality in her statement. Almost as if she was snubbing me in my nose, shrieking, "You're not good enough, sucker!"

So engineering-minded me began asking myself, "Why?" I figured it out as thus: YFC is a recruitment pool for the air force. The air force can only accept PES B and above. I am not PES B or above. Air force wouldn't want me. YFC finds no point wasting time and money training me to be a pilot as I wouldn't be of any use to anyone as a pilot. I was in a slump. Just because army ruined my knee doesn't mean that the air force should ruin my dreams, right?

People down in a funk have different ways of getting over it. For me, it was retail therapy. It worked once back in army, so I figured that it should work again now. I spent on model kits and a wireless mouse. The thing about retail therapy is that even though you might feel better having new toys, you still end up poorer. Sometimes, the utility from getting the new toys does not make up for the loss in utility over paying for them. That's what happened in my case. I ended up feeling more empty. Retail therapy had failed.

This funk continued till a week ago. It was a Sunday evening and we proceeded to the nearby coffeeshop for dinner. I was hit by the Sunday Dusk Syndrome. Have you ever stood looking out the window on a Sunday evening? You think that you have to prepare stuff for the coming work week, but the act of looking out the window and seeing how others are ending their weekend seems to calm you and drive away your Monday blues. You see kids running around, without a care in the world. You see people jogging. You see maids walking dogs. You see people visiting their friends for dinner. You see the sun setting. In the back of your mind, you feel like you could have spent your weekend more effectively. You want the weekend to stretch so that you could do all the things which you feel like doing. You want to run around like the little kids. But the sun is setting. And Monday looms.

Call me weird, but somehow, I kinda like Sunday Dusk Syndrome. On one hand, it gives you a deep sense of foreboding. However, it also reminds me that I'm human. It reminds me that I should still be thankful for each day, whether or not I feel fulfilled by how I spent it. It reminds me that we could not possibly control time. Feeling vulnurable leaves me feeling very much human.

This SDS also reminded me that even though I couldn't achieve my dreams through the YFC route, there is always time tomorrow. Even though Monday would be the start to another work week and we all baulk at the propect of doing more work, think of it this way: Monday brings with it new prospects, new routes to uncover, new dreams. The end of a day is just a signal for the start of a new day. -Jimmy