Things Worth Living for

I seem to have nicer pics of Homeworld than Battlestar Galactica

I recently watched the miniseries pilot episodes of Battlestar Galactica. This is the reimagined series that's currently running in the US and UK. It is now in its third season. Cable (PayTV) also offers it in Singapore, but my dad doesn't pay for TV. Heck. He doesn't even watch TV except for the news. Mom gets by with free to air. Us kids don't have a say. So, I've never watched an episode of BSG.

I have heard of rave reviews for the show, though. BSG is about the human race eons into the future. They created intelligent robots called Cylons to help out with manual labour. As with the other science fiction stories, the AI rebelled, and that started the first Cylon war. A truce was declared, and the Cylons decided to flee to another planet. 40 years later, the Cylons returned with the intent of eliminating the human race. BSG is one of the huge "Battlestar" class warships that survived the Cylon attack. Each episode, the BSG will find more and more survivors and these ships will be added to the ragtag fleet as they run from the Cylons and find "Earth", hoping to seek refuge in the place human life began.

The scene that struck me was how the Captain of the BSG, when questioned about the existence of "Earth", replied that he didn't really know about such a planet. This is contradictory to what he had said in an inspiring speech to his servicemen, asking them to search for Earth together. However, the captain simply said, "It is not just enough to live. Man must have something to live for." The captain could not operate his ship if his crew felt that all hope was lost. The captain needed his crew to believe in something, to still give their best.

That scene struck me because it brought to mind how so many of my friends have ranted their problems to me before. Ok, I'll come clean that I've ranted to some of my friends too. At the root of these rants is that we've lost that something to live for. Or at least we think we've lost that something.

I remember the times when I'd rant to my parents about how sian life in army is. I'd come home, load the dirty uniforms into the washing machine and start complaining to them over dinner. I'd explain how everything in the army was based around order, of how I'd see people in uniform everywhere I looked, of how the food tastes the same everyday. And I'd complain like that as I've lost sight of what I was living for. The SAF wanted a worker drone out of me, so a worker drone I was. There was nothing to look forward to, nothing to keep me motivated. Sure, they found ways to keep me going, but I hardly put any spirit into my work.

Now that I'm in university, some of my close friends sometimes tell me how life is so sian for them. They'd say things like "I'll study and do well for exams, but what does it boil down to? I don't find joy in so many other areas in life. I only study to escape the boring and unfulfilling reality." Sometimes, I do look at myself and wonder why I don't find fulfillment doing certain things. Sometimes, I'd go through a day in school, head home, eat dinner and sleep. I get nothing out of life.

People have different ideas as to what that something worth living for is. For some friends, it is religion. For some, it is love. And for some others, it is lust.

Sometimes, I also think that love might be the cure-all for the rut I'm in. I'd think that things would be so much nicer and rosier with a girl by my side. Yes, laugh if you want. But I think I'd be doing a better job if some of you are squirming in your seats now. In my mind, there is no one thing that provides that sense of fulfillment. You are supposed to figure that part out yourself. You are supposed to find that/those thing(s) that are worth living for. Only you can decide how happy your life is.

Now, when I say find something worth living for, is it the same as something worth dying for? For example, the side effect of the captain talking about Earth is that his Viper pilots put their lives on the line for the good of the fleet. They believe in the existence of Earth so much that they're willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. Now, is that good or bad? How about people who find fulfillment in their jobs? Singers who adopt kids to give them a better life. People who work 20 hours a day as their job gives them satisfaction. Freedom fighters who pick up guns to defend their village.

Then how about the hordes of suicide bombers linked to the Al Qaeda? Perhaps the one thing that is worth living for is matyrdom? Perhaps they are willing to put their lives on the line for their religion?

Where exactly do we draw the line then? You can't expect us to live boring, unfulfilling lives. Yet, throwing everything else aside for the one thing that you enjoy is frowned upon too. I go by "everything in moderation". That's why I'm watching BSG until the next fad comes along. -Jimmy

The Gamer Geek

I've never really noticed this, but I did when I visited a LAN gaming centre on Friday. You know how it is that certain places always seem to be a gathering place for a certain sub-set of the male species? Well, that day in the LAN shop was almost a documentary experience, highlighting the various quirks of this sub-species known as "The Gamer Geek".

When I first got to my seat, I noticed this person sitting diagonally across me, facing me. His spectacles reflected the action going on on screen and he was slouched over his keyboard and mouse. But the thing I noticed was how his mouth was agape. I don't know why, but his lips seemed to have some repulsive force that prevented them from shutting. The worst part was how his tongue seemed to dart across his lips and just dance within that open mouth. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with wetting your lips. They do get quite dry in the air-conditioned environment.

However, the way the tongue moved around purposefully inside his mouth intrigued me. It almost looked like a cat prowling around some food, looking for any possible traps that came with the food. Overall, the reflective specs, the open mouth and that feline tongue produces an image which is close to one I've labelled "disadvantaged kid".

My computer proved to be troublesome and I ended up following the shop minder as he looked for a computer that would work. I ended up watching the action on Feline Tongue's monitor. He was playing vanilla Battlefield 2, flying the fighter jets. He looked like a pretty good player, judging by how he managed to line up bombing runs. Then I noticed another aspect of his behaviour: how each one of his motions were "jittery". If he wanted to scratch his arm, his hand would leave his mouse, dart over to the other arm and give exactly two scratches. Ditto with his other hand. Even adjusting his spectacles was a very brief affair. It made for some amusing entertainment.

A friend I spoke to afterwards euphamises it: "Don't call it jittery. He's probably such an intense player that each of his actions, whether in game or out of game is precise. He gets his desired effect with minimal effort."

As luck would have had it, I ended up sitting beside Feline Tongue. Then I noticed another aspect of Gamer Geeks. They have fragile egos too. When Feline Tongue noticed that I was playing the same game as he was, he started being very vocal about his game. "I just love tearing those parachutists with the AA guns! Look at those idiots trying to run away from my bombing run! Ha! Your SAMs can't get me!"

Dude, it's just a game. I'm just there to enjoy a short destress session. There's no need to feel threatened by me; I'm a n00b player. There's no need to gloat about your pixel achievements either, we're all not interested. The worst bit was when I chatted with friend G who was sitting across from me. We were comparing our various escapades and the close shaves we've had while waiting for our maps to load. When G was detailing how he was only lacking 2 "silver badges" to complete his line-up, Feline Tongue blabbered out, "Yah, yah. Wah. Veteran badges already." I'm not sure if G figured out that Feline was making fun of us, but I decided that in the presense of such fragile egos, I had better ignore everything he was saying.

I wonder how the Gamer Geek sub-species evolved into such a form. Are guys really such ego-maniacs? Do we really look so stupid when playing our games so intently? Are we really such bas****s when we feel our presense is threatened? Perhaps I'll sit in Lan shops one day and just observe these people. Perhaps I might find more quirks and report them here. I just hope I don't end up like Feline Tongue. -Jimmy

Jimmy's Desktop (Jun 03 ~ Nov 06)

After 3 years of faithful service, my desktop died on me last night. Ok, it had several problems from the beginning, including regular BSODs while under heavy loads. But it was still a computer that served its various purposes well.

That desktop was my first attempt at fixing up my own computer. I researched the various parts that I would have to buy, reading reviews online to find out if they were good buys. I compared prices over several weeks to make sure I got equitable prices from Sim Lim Square. I educated myself on the various connectors and technologies available.

I ended up with an upper-mid-range system. I was quite pleased with it as I spent less than a thousand bucks. Then all the problems started coming up. OS troubles. RAM clock speeds that were not sync-ed with the CPU bus clock. Graphics card would sometimes fail its drawing operations and crash to desktop or restart the computer. I spent more weeks shuttling to Sim Lim to diagnose the problems. It was a good thing I was serving NS then: I had loads of expendable income. What I finally got in the end was a functional but temperamental computer.

Recently though, more problems started cropping up. When a botched installation of Microsoft's .NET framework kept interfering with my graphics drivers, I decided that the best workaround was a clean format of my hard disk. The formatting was quite painless, though it's always weird to reformat your computer and seeing it quite different from the computer you've tweaked to your liking. But just 3 days after that reformat, my computer died.

The diagnostic LEDs at the back of my tower points towards the RAM as the problem. I don't mind heading down to Sim Lim one day with that one stick of RAM to find out if it's really the problem. But it's really too much hassle on week 13. After the exams, maybe.

For now, I'm left with my trusty laptop and more price lists from Sim Lim. Maybe I'll fix the desktop. Maybe it's not the RAM. Maybe I'll find enough money to fix up another desktop. -Jimmy