Who Am I? You Sure You Wanna Know?

Half empty or half full? Some things just get blown out of proportion.

When music groups do something like this, it is known as "double a-side". When magazines do it, it's known as "special bumber issue". When TV stations do it, they call it "special 2 episode screening". In the normal English language, it can be called a "double whammy" or "Double dose". There I go again, saying irrelevant things before even talking about the issue at hand.

So just what is the issue at hand? Well, I can't put a finger to it either. I guess it's just one of those times when you really feel confused but really eager to find out more. Last week, while I stayed back in school discussing a particularly draining project, this thought crossed my mind: "Why am I spending so much time over this group project?"

It had been a long day for me. Earlier in the day, I was questioning the wisdom of doing accountancy. Why the hell did I not take aeronautical engineering, considering I love planes, and I love Physics? (It's a long story, but I guess I'll add this to the list of topics I can blog about, but never get down to doing.)

Anyway, it was late, I hadn't had my dinner, and I was discussing the project with another member. I wondered why I did things the way I did. I thrive on having a clear set of goals, then working alone to achieve it. When my parents wanted my sister and I to change our bedsheets, I would rather do it alone rather than co-operate with my sister. I've never wondered why I preferred it that way.

If I had lots of tasks at hand, I'd need pencil and paper to scribble them down. I'd then scribble down what has to be done for each of them and plan out the tasks into manageable bits. I need pencil and paper to think. I hated doing mental sums back in school; I could never visualise problems. Everything has to be put down in pencil and paper. Even when writing compositions, I'd do a pencil/paper backbone before fleshing everything out.

I'd count being focused as one of the traits of an effective leader. However, I have never bothered to rise to the challenge of being a leader. I was never a prefect and I only held the (lowly) title of Section Commander in NCC. I was a clerk in Army. I didn't find it worthwhile to drive a group and be accountable for any mistakes within the group.

I also felt that I was better than some of my friends in terms of grasping new concepts being taught. (I am really thankful for this, though.) I believe most of you would be bored by now. I'll get down to the issues.

I asked my parents why I work this way. Apparently, much of how I work comes from my father. Yes, he prefers working alone. (He admits to having a perfectionist streak.) Yes, he feels weird if he does not plan meticulously.Yes, he feels more endowed in grasping concepts taught. (Yes, he thinks he might do well in accountancy, and I feel I might do well in engineering too.)

I wondered how much of this similarity stems from nature, and how much from nurture. Was I like this because of my parents' blood? Or is it due to the fact that I've observed them since young, and that I am merely emulating them?

Like any debate that has raged on for ages, the nature/nurture debate had no conclusive answers. I was pretty confused when I signed on in MSN that night. While I was chatting with a friend, however, it dawned on me.

It doesn't matter whether it was nature or nurture that made me who I am today. What was most important was my parents. I am who I am today because of them. For all my strengths and imperfections, I have my parents to thank. And I am thankful for them. I've had friends who claim that I have a unique family. I smile back. I love my unique family. I love the fact that I'm a Tjeng. -Jimmy

PS: In case you didn't understand what I meant when I talked about "double trouble", it just meant that I posted 2 different posts in a day! Whee! We're now at our 10th post! 10 measly posts! Oi! Ah Han! Izz! Don't tell me the blog idea went down the drain!